higher echelon

I’m a slow learner and very narrow minded, I freak out a lot when I don’t know what’s going to happen, I can’t apologize for that.  I usually have a good grip on things, I used to think I could get away with anything, but in the end those choices catch up to you.  I pretty much have a good record of punishing myself, I’m a fool when it comes to love, and that’s the best way to hurt myself.  This funk I’m in feels like I need to make some stupid decisions to get out of, but that’s not what I want.  I want to be loved by someone who knows the crazy and is willing to risk their own minor sanity to fulfill their desires.  And I fucking had it, and my insecurities and bullshit made me push you away.

My money is that this space is going to make you miss me more than you already do.  But just like I tried to convince you that I changed…  you changed too, so I don’t even know what to expect or hope for…  I’m just really upset with myself that I built this travesty.  

(via electricfeelup)